remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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