It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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