you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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