Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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