I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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