So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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