there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
