This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
