she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
