so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
