i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
