I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
