i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
