Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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