Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
