Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he thought i was a dude.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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