The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
