I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
