My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
