Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
