Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
