haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
