what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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