I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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