he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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