I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
