I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
