we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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