God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
