She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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