Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
