AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
