i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
