I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
