Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My vagina is officially offended.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
