I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
