I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
