I could make wine with my vomit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
