I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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