I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
