i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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