he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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