He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize