I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
