4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
