great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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