Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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