her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
