I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
