Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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