I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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