I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
