Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
