that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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