sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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