im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
