I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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