swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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