my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
