she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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