Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
