East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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