6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
