I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
