my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize