1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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