Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
