I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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