Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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