If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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